Best Formula 1 copypastas

Formula 1 is the fastest and probably most popular automobile racing series in the world. This fine sport consuming fuel, rubber, and tifosi’s souls attracts millions of viewers all around the globe. Browse the collection of best F1 copypastas here!

A short view back to the past

Gentlemen, a short view back to the past. Thirty years ago, Niki Lauda told us ‘take a monkey, place him into the cockpit and he is able to drive the car.’ Thirty years later, Sebastian told us ‘I had to start my car like a computer, it’s very complicated.’ And Nico Rosberg said that during the race – I don’t remember what race – he pressed the wrong button on the wheel. Question for you both: is Formula One driving today too complicated with twenty and more buttons on the wheel, are you too much under effort, under pressure? What are your wishes for the future concerning the technical programme during the race? Less buttons, more? Or less and more communication with your engineers?

I am racist

I am racist I am and always will be a racist, everyone in my family is a racist. We’re so racist that we’ve watched every single Nascar race and we all drive manuals too, that’s how racist we are 📷. Some races are superior to others, mainly the F1 races, nothing like a good ol’ race war. I love being a racist around everyone I see but not everyone appreciates the power of my Mustang, one time I got kicked out of a restaurant for telling everyone that I’m a racist. I wish more people were as racist as I am. Upvote if you’re a true racist.

I will not be driving for Alpine

I understand that, without my agreement, Alpine F1 have put out a press release late this afternoon that I am driving for them next year. This is wrong and I have not signed a contract with Alpine for 2023. I will not be driving for Alpine next year.

Fucking qualify ahead of me

How the fuck did you just fucking qualify ahead of me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I qualified ahead of every single teammate of mine in the entire Formula 1 career, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret telemetry raids on McLaren, and I have over 300 confirmed podiums. I am trained in psychological warfare and I’m the top race starter in the entire pool of FIA Super Licensed drivers. You are nothing to me but just another Williams mobile chicane. I will drive past you the fuck around the outside with precision the likes of which has never been shouted before by Crofty, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with qualifying in front of me? Think again, P20 fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret netwrok of bribed officials across the FIA and your lap time is being deleted right now so you better prepare for the back of the grid, spare-parts maggot. The back of the grid that bunches up at the start and wipes out that pathetic little thing you call your front wing. You’re fucking dead, development driver. I can fly private anywhere, anytime, to any race and/or sponsor event, and I can pass you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s even without using DRS. Not only am I extensively trained in wheel-tow-wheel combat, but I have access to Pirelli’s entire telemetry data and I will use it to its full extent to out-qualify your miserable bargeboards off the grid of every single upcoming Grand prix, you little pay-driver. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” qualifying position was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have set three yellow sectors. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, you’ve used up your tires for the start of the race, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn secondary-driver idiot. I will shit oil-burning fury all over you and you will drown in it and
s🅱️innala faster than you can say “Next year”. You’re fucking dead at the back of the grid, yellow T-cam equipped sim driver.

Juan the wonderkid

I have one for Juan, just one…one hypothetical, Juan. As Juan the wonderkid, the rising number one of Formula One, Juan, one wonders, should Juan only win one Formula One, one year… would Juan want to have won that one in Round One, Juan?

I’m not trying to, not trying at all, to spin a yarn, Juan, but just wish you the best. If we can all stay calm, Juan. Just, on your car… we wouldn’t wish any harm on you or the car, but, you know, is that the way you approach your Formula One racing?

Kimi Räikkönen

> gets hired by Ferrari to replace Michael fucking Schumacher
> immediately wins championship on first try
> fucks off to try rallying for a couple of years because why not
> comes back and nearly bankrupts Lotus from being too goddamn fast
> goes back to Ferrari and wins a race at 39 years old
> spends 3 more years at Sauber just for the hell of it
> doesn’t give a single fuck the entire time
> refuses to elaborate
> retires

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